life's been boring since the mental hospital.. ive been suspended from school, my friends all dropped me, i started getting with men older than my dad, and i developed an unhealthy attatchment to alcohol and shoplifting.

maybe "boring" is the wrong word, but its def not enjoyable. I mean, you drink and cut one time and suddenly youre diagnosed with all sorts of stuff. 🙄

sometimes, i wish i could be a normal teen girl.. with fun girl friends to do stupid stuff with, innocent crushes on hot student teachers, and my biggest concern being whether my bf has a girl best friend. i love pretty little liars because its like i can get a taste of what that's like.

my life looks more like weekly doctor appointments, therapists, physiatrists, hell almost a forensic psycologist at some point! i was hospitalized once for self harm and almost hospitalized another time for my eating disorder.

Lana del rey helps me cope with it all i think. her music brings up feelings i havent felt in years... most of the time im pretty detatched from reality so i dont feel much.

i struggle lots with physical intimacy and my bf is super upset about that. he tried tongue kissing me and i pulled away like an idiot! now he feels all upset and idk what to do..

i dont like how my life makes people so sad. its like its just too much for people to bare.. no one stays because of that.

- p.a.